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Ohhh it`s just a girl..

Girls in a Male-Dominated Sport: Stand Up, Believe in Yourself.

Growing up, I was lucky to have parents who always encouraged me to play the sports I wanted to, no matter what others thought, no matter what sport, no matter how many sports and how much they had to travel/drive/cycle to bring me everywhere – let alone the equipment needed. No limitations – even multiple sports a day.  They believed in me, even when I heard the usual comments like, “That’s for boys.” I was never told that certain sports weren’t for me. If I wanted to play, I could. If there was no – option they found a way. And so, I played soccer, started kitesurfing, snowsports, skated, outdoorsports, run, danced, competed in between the guys and always came back home in the mud and a little scratched. There were – and are no boundaries, just support and love.  

Last week I got the  question again; “but is it not a male dominated sport?” ; “ Are you ever scared? And then the opinions?; Did you ever had the feeling of non -respect? ” . That question made me think – I never see it like that (while I also get the question in other places – not always in the sport); Looking back, I realize now, how fortunate I am and more grateful than ever the way I grew up and still grow & learn.

“Ooooh it`s just a girl, well if you guys don’t win this one..”; a famous sentence I heard quit often just before the start of the game from parents, coaches of the opposite team.

Seeing the world, different cultures, getting to know other opinions: It is the reality, sometimes girls/woman, from a young age, are told certain sports were for boys. Or sports are not for them. Or maybe that job is not for them.  The idea that girls have to fight for their place in male-dominated sports (business world) is a stereotype I know all too well by playing sports in different continents and disciplines myself.

But what do you do when your passion lies in a sport you’re “not supposed” to play? How do you deal with prejudice, the fear of making mistakes, and the constant pressure to work harder just to be taken seriously because you are a girl?

My Younger-Self

In this blog I try to show you that my way into the “male “dominated sports wasn`t always that glamourous either. (Read excluded from kitesurfing competitions/no rankings because of my gender/no equal changes or price money, doing much harder tricks than the guys with a lower score, because I was lucky, winning the competition in a fair way but still it was luck etc.). By this question I directly thought about my younger self and my soccer adventures, it`s where it all started.

So here you go, one story out of many more:

… As a young girl, I was shy, really shy, especially in an environment where boys were the norm, and I was the exception. Still, I chose to play soccer, not with the girls, no,  with the boys. In the beginning it was often a challenge – I had to constantly prove myself, be stronger, and work harder to avoid being overlooked. And every mistake was looked at like it was a first world problem – or it was just my feeling. Everything that I did perfectly right was luck according to them – and coaches. But, anyway I loved every moment. Learned quickly and did grow mental as physical into a girl were my younger self would be proud off now.  Got respected -most of the time.

For several years, I even had the unique experience of being on the same team as my brother, a few years even our dad as the trainer. We trained together, played together, and learned together. The strange part was that I didn’t even realize how unusual it was to be the only girl on the team, being seen as an equal player. I just wanted to learn from the boys and play together with my brother.

To me;  They were fast, tough, and fearless – qualities I admired and wanted to have, too. It wasn’t about proving a point; it was simply about playing the game with the best people I knew.  (- and I still do this to the day of today in all sports & my professional career).

Ooohh it’s just a girl

The first step you do at the field “look a girl in the team”. Often heard “them”, the spectators or the coach of the opponent shouting: “all over left, they have a little girl in the field – come one it`s just a girl”. And you know I really loved it when I heard that: knowing that I got to play a lot. And what they didn`t know by then, I wasn`t “just a little girl” – anymore.  Yeah I was little, but not the typical girl, I wasn`t scared anymore– I was quiet ready to face them and show them what I’ve got. I know I didn`t had to prove myself anymore at this point.  They just led up my fire! And yes,  off course the one time you get passed and “they” (almost) score a goal you will be under a loop, a big one. Your best defense actions or scored goals will never make it to the newspaper – your still “just a girl” for “them”. But hey, who cares, you know better! Shake it off and keep going and.. all will fall into place one day – they will walk of the field with their ego`s under their arms ashamed – I promise.

The biggest compliments came, when “they” couldn`t pass me. Because I loved the fight, the slidings and maybe I wasn`t technical or that heavy. I was fast, strong, relentless and smart (- fearless).  Some guys – from the opponent even wanted to chance position (on second thought that “Just a little girl” wasn`t that easy to pass or forgiving full to them) if they couldn`t come pass me. And you know what, my coach did? He just send me after them – I loved that move. It made the, angry and more fierce but I didn`t care I loved every moment of it and worked even harder.  In some matches I was seen as a guy or asked by the opponent to come and play for them next season. And was the spectator of the competition of the guys that didn`t get passed me – get laughed at by their own teammates.

And my secret in all of this? I just became a better player every time. When “they” see a girl and think it`s an easy way out, “they” will come your way a lot of times. And for you a lot of opportunities to get better than ever. And that`s what I did. Yeah right the first times are hard, you will make a lot of mistakes, get yelled at..but that’s how you learn quickly. Before you know you become way better than “them, because “they” don’t have this opportunity you will have! 

The Important Match of the Year

Yet, like in everything, there came a time when I started to notice the difference. (No, not the times I got my period or my boobs started growing, no not at all).  This match would decide who became the champion of the first division, and everyone knew how important that title was to our coach, club, city and everyone else around (not my dad – he wasn`t part of the team this year, just to clarify, he didn`t care – just wanted us to play and have fun). For our coach  this title was everything. But while the boys on the team and my brother didn’t seem too invested, I was determined to give it my all.

 For me, in my eyes though;  it was about so much more than just winning a title; it was about respect, about proving myself to myself, and about standing out for my skills, not just my gender, being acknowledged for what I am really worth, showing that passion has no boundaries. Showing the girls in my old team that I did it, that I could. Proving their parents wrong, a girl can play in between the boys and be respected – make a difference. Showing the reason why mum & dad believed in me, long before I did. Present the best version of myself out there in a sport I love.

As the game approached, though, I felt myself ( and others !) being pushed to the sidelines. Our coach decided to bring in some higher-level older players to guarantee the win. It stung, but I knew it was his way of securing victory. Still, I didn’t want to be on the bench, watching my chance slip away. I wanted to be out there, making a difference. Before the game even started, I sensed that his obsession with winning would override any trust he had in his own players (not only me – also some of the other guys). My first intention was to get angry, really angry. But as I watched the other team warming up on the field, I made a way more mature decision, without any words – I didn’t want to be a spectator in my own team. I counted a lot of times and it really were 8 players, without a goalkeeper. I clarified to my coach one more time; “am I benched for those older guy`s ..?”

He said; “yes – I really need that win today. And it will be an easy one with only 8 opponents.”

My Biggest & Scariest Move that Day

Then, on that note, in a moment of resolve, I turned to my dad and told him what I was going to do – I was going to ask the opposing team’s coach if I could play with them instead. Not a surprise, dad agreed, fully understanding my need to play. And deep down my dad knows that this was a better way to get back at my coach for being unfair than to go up and talk to him, so he let me go. Knowing my dad had my back – and he also counted 8 players I gathered my gear, head up high, walked across the field (full of guys, camera`s and spectators – At that point I had zero cares) and approached the opposing coach without hesitation;

 “I want to win, I want to be the champion too,” I said, followed by:  “but only with a team that lets me play, doesn`t judge me for being just a girl and respects what I bring to the team. Can I play with you guys today?”  

At first, he thought I was joking, but when he saw the fire (and at that moment I can tell you it was huge) in my eyes, he knew I meant every word. He called his team over, and without any doubt, they welcomed me in, and suddenly, I was playing for the other side. Having the best time of my life! I was the goalkeeper and switched with the midfield on times, so I could experience it all. The whole team let me take the free kicks and the penalty we got. It felt like I truly belonged that day.

My own team, including my brother, didn’t resent my decision; in fact, they were proud. They knew me well enough to understand that sitting on the bench would never be enough. They knew I belonged on that field. They understood my decision, and if they had been in my shoes, they probably would have done the same. And the lose that day – was the biggest untold lesson ever for our coach and maybe the rest of the club. The sentence I will never forget; “they had a really good goalkeeper that day, just a girl….” And  in this story that girl was me. And finally I made it to the newspaper with my scored goal instead of my gender.

That day, I became A CHAMPION in many different ways.

I scored the winning penalty alongside a team that didn’t judge me by my gender. I was a girl among a team of boys with dark skin (the ones I always feared if we had to play against them), standing out in every way – and yet, I was just another respected teammate. My dad and brother were proud, and from that moment, yes from that moment one, I knew one thing for sure: I had to believe in myself and stand up for my place, no matter what. No matter the way. It wouldn’t always be easy, and I might not make friends along the way, but I learned that I had just as much right to fight for what I wanted as anyone else.   And when, it gets rewarded.

I (and a lot of others) will never forget this day, the trust of the opponent, the team and the chance the coach gave me – it changed my world forever.  

Keep fighting

That said; Being a girl in a male-dominated sport isn’t easy. (it gets easier over the years I experience, but still a lot of questions are send my way). There’s a constant fight to be taken seriously, to work twice as hard for the same recognition the same opportunities, you’re often underestimated and have to push past stereotypes. The same I face in kitesurfing, skating, surfing especially when the sport is young and small on the woman’s side. But even when I was excluded from the males division (yep, they were scared I would win and take the money – and I definitely would have if they just let me) I just went out there, to have fun and to show them how you win competitions when it’s about skills and passion. Not about the money. What I’ve learned (and always believe) that what boys can do, I can do too – sometimes even better.

My family’s support, my brother’s encouragement, and my father’s understanding were the foundation that helped me succeed, but I realized that, in the end, it was up to me to claim my place on that field.  

In the end, it’s about always believing in yourself as a woman in a male-dominated world. Even when it’s scary and it feels like the odds are against you, you have to keep fighting. This is the story of my life. A life where I’ve always stood up for myself and believed that there are no limits to what I can achieve, whether I’m a girl or not. Because in the end were all human beings. Isn’t it…?

So, to all the girls out there: stand up, believe in yourself, and never let anyone tell you that you don’t belong on that field, competition, job. Because if you’re out there playing for the love of the game, you’ve already proven them wrong.

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